A Prison in His Mind
by thewindinthemeadow
Summary: Gabriel-centric sequel to Supernatural 13x17. Traumatized, and with memory loss from his time as a prisoner in Hell, Gabriel must try to recover. His Grace is almost gone, and he can't really figure out who Sam is.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Massive spoilers for season 13 episode 17: The Thing.**

Time didn't seem very relevant anymore. Place was just- lost. Gabriel was never sure anymore where he was or what was happening. He was sitting in a room that was brighter than normal. Someone was sitting in a chair in front of him, someone very tall. Gabriel looked up at him for a moment and saw hazel eyes. That was odd. Asmodeus had brown eyes, or yellow ones if he was angry. Hazel eyes were new.

Light glinted off metal in front of Gabriel's face. What was going on? The constant pain in his lips redoubled, and he whimpered. He focused on the face above him and tried to block out the pain. Gabriel knew that face from somewhere. He just couldn't remember where or when he'd seen it before.

The pain in Gabriel's lips subsided. It was a relief. He felt strangely- freer, but he wasn't sure why.

Gabriel wasn't really paying attention to sounds, he was focusing too much on trying to place the face of the man in front of him. Then he heard his name. He struggled to focus enough to understand what was being said. He didn't catch words, but he was pretty sure someone was asking a question that they didn't expect an answer to. The hazel-eyed man's lips moved as Gabriel heard the question, so he guessed that was who was speaking.

A man in a blue coat walked into the room. He spoke to the hazel eyed man, who turned toward him. They were talking, and the hazel-eyed man motioned to Gabriel. The man in the blue jacket brushed whatever hazel-eyes had said off, and the focus shifted away from Gabriel.

Gabriel sat there patiently, hoping nobody would pay attention to him. Thankfully, he was let alone for a while. Then the man with the hazel eyes was back.

"Gabriel?" he asked. "Can you talk?"

Gabriel just stared at him.

"OK," the man said finally. "You don't have to talk. I get that being captured wasn't fun."

Gabriel blinked and studied the man's face. He was so sure he knew those hazel eyes from somewhere, but he just couldn't place them. His frustration caused him to make a noise somewhere between a squeak and a groan.

Sam still looked a bit upset from the conversation he'd been having earlier with the guy in the blue jacket. Wait, Sam? Yes! Gabriel had finally remembered this man's name. He was Sam.

Recognition must have shown in Gabriel's eyes; it made Sam smile. Gabriel ducked his head fearfully, even though it wasn't a nasty smile like he'd seen on Asmodeus. He was just used to smiles in general being mean. Sam was nice, Gabriel remembered that much. He couldn't remember much else, though.

Sam was saying something. Gabriel wasn't listening, so he didn't try to respond. Sam apparently thought Gabriel's lack of response was a response. He stood up and walked to right next to Gabriel's chair. Gabriel flinched away from him, making the only noise he remembered how to make.

"Whoa, calm down," Sam said.

Gabriel stopped squeaking and studied Sam suspiciously.

"I'm going to carry you, ok?" Sam asked.

There was a time, long since, when Gabriel would've busted out his archangelic wrath on anyone who suggested carrying him anywhere. Now, he was mostly relieved that he wouldn't have to walk. His feet hurt.

Having Sam pick him up bridal style with no effort at all was humiliating. But it was an improvement on walking, and it didn't hurt any more than just existing did. Gabriel didn't have any reason to protest, and he didn't want to risk making Sam mad.

There were a lot of hallways, and then there was a doorway. Sam carried Gabriel through it, and he gazed vacantly around at the black markings on the white wallpaper. Some of them might have been sigils, but they just blurred together and he couldn't make any sense out of them.

Sam set Gabriel down on a soft, raised, horizontal surface. Gabriel didn't dare move. He flinched and trembled when Sam put a hand on his shoulder, but he was too tired and miserable to even try to escape.

"Just rest, ok, Gabriel," Sam said.

A moment later he left. The lights were out, and the door was closed. Gabriel guessed despondently that it was locked. There was no way anybody would let him escape. At least Sam hadn't hurt him yet. He thought of his dwindling supply of Grace, and he hoped Sam didn't want it. Ketch had said something about the Winchesters needing Gabriel's Grace for a spell. Sam couldn't be a Winchester, right?

Something in Gabriel's memory clicked again. Sam Winchester. Winchester was Sam's last name! He was going to take the last bit of Grace that Gabriel was desperately trying to regrow, and use it in a spell. That would leave Gabriel as helpless as a human, permanently! It couldn't happen. He couldn't let it.

But why hadn't Sam already taken the last bit of Grace? Maybe it wasn't enough, and he was going to wait for Gabriel to grow a bit more before he took it all away. Gabriel started crying from the amount of despair that thought gave him. He didn't want to lose his Grace. It was all he had left of Heaven, his father, his brothers… everything he cared about. Everything that was gone.

Determination filled Gabriel. He was _not_ going to let anyone take the last of his Grace. He wasn't in Hell anymore, so there should be a way to escape. He wasn't even in a dungeon. This was obviously a bedroom. An old fashioned, militaristic bedroom, but a bedroom nonetheless.

He crawled to the edge of the bed and carefully set his damaged feet on the stone floor. It took effort, but he stood and went to the door. The knob wouldn't turn. He threw his full weight at the door, but it barely even shook. The hinges weren't normal, and he couldn't find any way to mess with them. He had nothing to pick a lock with, but even if he had, his fingers were shaking too badly to handle anything like that. There was no way to get the door open.

Gabriel went looking for another way out. He chose a section of wall and started hitting it with the desk chair. Some wood shattered, but it was noisy and slow. Most of what was happening was paint chipping off. He needed to find some other way, before the sound of him trying to bash his way out registered with Sam or anyone else staying here.

The ceiling was the only other thing Gabriel could think of. If up wasn't a way out, then he'd be stuck here until somebody came along and let him out. That wasn't an option. The ceiling did look a bit fragile, so maybe this could work. He looked around the room, plotting the best way to reach the ceiling.

Gabriel ended up climbing back onto the bed. From there he stood up and got onto the desk beside the bed. The step up to the headboard was higher, and it felt more dangerous with his head spinning dizzily. He steadied himself with a hand on the wall and climbed onto a shelf built right into the wall. The ceiling was then with reach.

Unfortunately, Gabriel was in an awkward position with no real way to break through the ceiling. The angle was terrible. If the stakes had been any lower, he would've given up. But this wasn't a game. He _couldn't_ let Sam take the rest of his Grace. With that thought, he used a bit of his Grace to blast a hole in the ceiling. He was careful, and it didn't take much. Enough was still left over for it to regrow.

An alarm went off. Red lights flashed.

Now in a hurry, Gabriel boosted himself through the hole he'd blasted in the ceiling, and into a room one story up. He didn't take the time to register what kind of room it was, just where the door was located. He scrambled to his feet and stumbled over to it. It was unlocked, and he went through it to a hallway. The lights were still flashing red.

Gabriel didn't know what way to go, but he thought anything had to be better than staying put. He picked left and stumbled along as fast as he could. The hallway ended twenty feet down with a door that led to stairs. He didn't want to go down as that would lead back towards his room, but he wasn't sure he had the strength to make it up a flight of stairs. He was so weak from his long imprisonment that even walking was a challenge.

Against his better judgment, Gabriel started down the stairs. He'd been right that it was a bad idea. An angel he knew he should recognize was coming up from below him. He turned around, and Sam was blocking the way up. He was cornered.

The distracting, painful red lights wouldn't stop flashing, and they were making it hard for him to think. Neither Sam nor the angel was moving, but it was clear that Gabriel wouldn't be able to escape. So maybe he could pick. Sam, who wanted to steal his Grace for a spell, or an angel he didn't recognize. Angels were scary. He had run away from Heaven because the fighting was so bad, and he didn't want to have to go back there.

Gabriel turned on the stairway to face Sam. Maybe he could convince Sam to leave his Grace alone for long enough that the spell would leave some to grow back. And Sam was nice, he remembered that. He couldn't remember anything about that angel yet, just that he knew him. And that was true for every angel.

Something in Sam's posture struck a memory, and Gabriel got a bit back.

 _Sam was holding Gabriel pinned against a fence. One of his hands was uncomfortably close to Gabriel's throat, while the other dug a bloody stake into his neck. Sam's face was dark, and his eyes were bitter and angry. His face twisted as he scowled._

 _"_ _You son of a bitch," Sam practically hissed at him._

 _"_ _How long will it take you to realize," Gabriel recalled saying. "You can't save your brother. No matter what."_

 _"_ _Oh, yeah?" Sam challenged. "I kill you, this all ends now."_

 _He dug the stake deeper into Gabriel's neck. It burned, but it was nothing like the pain Gabriel had dealt with at Asmodeus' hands. Gabriel pulled his head back to try to ease the pressure._

 _"_ _Oh, hey! Wow," Gabriel had gasped. "Ok. Ok. Look, I was just playing around. You can't take a joke, fine. You're out of it. Tomorrow, you wake up; it'll be Wednesday." His eyes darted nervously. "I swear," he added._

 _"_ _You're lying," Sam retorted instantly._

 _"_ _If I am, you know where to find me. Having pancakes at the diner," Gabriel bargained, an edge of desperacy to his calm words._

 _Sam thought for a moment, then his face hardened. "No," he said bitterly. "Easier to just kill you."_

Gabriel pulled himself from the memory. He wished he hadn't remembered it, even though it was useful information. Sam had been so mad; there was no point trying to trust him now. Gabriel forgot he was on a staircase and tried to back away from Sam. He tripped and fell backwards, banging his head against the steps. The strain was too much and he fell unconscious.

 **A/N I'll write more if anyone's interested, so please leave a review if you liked it!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N It took a while, but I did finish chapter two eventually. This does not follow 13x18 at all, and there aren't spoilers for it here. I'm just going off in whatever direction feels right.**

Gabriel didn't want to wake up. He was hovering on the edge of unconsciousness, and he knew that it would be safer to wake up, but he was scared. Whatever horrors happened in the waking world, he was free from them here. He didn't want to open his eyes and face whatever the fallout of his escape attempt might be. He didn't want to have to.

Consciousness was inevitable, however, as archangels weren't made to sleep. Gabriel became aware of everything that was happening, even as he tried to cling to the mist that was letting him stay oblivious. He was lying on a mattress, with soft blankets pulled up around him. The air in the room was pleasantly cool after the heat of Hell.

Gabriel could hear the low buzzing of a generator, and the quiet hiss of an interdimensional portal. As an archangel he could hear stuff like that. There was also someone breathing in the room. The breaths were calm and even, but they were too light to let him hope whoever it was was asleep. He reluctantly opened his eyes, willing, at last, to see where he was.

Sam was sitting at a desk, looking sadly at Gabriel. Gabriel flinched. He scrambled backwards away from Sam and sat on the farthest corner of the bed. He hugged his knees to his chest and struggled to keep from hyperventilating.

"I won't hurt you, Gabriel," Sam said.

Gabriel was confused. They were enemies, right? All he could remember was Sam threatening to kill him.

"Ketch rescued you, remember?" Sam asked. "He's not always awful, I'll give him that. But you're safe, ok?"

But Sam wanted Gabriel's Grace for a spell, didn't he? Why was he trying to be nice if he was going to just steal it? It wasn't like Gabriel was a threat. Sam had Gabriel's archangel blade, so killing him wouldn't be a problem anymore. There was no reason for Sam to pretend to be nice. Gabriel thought back to his initial feeling that Sam was a nice person, before he got the memory back. Maybe the sides had shifted and they weren't enemies anymore. He hoped so; Sam looked like he would be a good friend to have.

Sam sighed. Gabriel looked up at him. Sam looked tired and worried. He didn't seem very threatening at all. Gabriel's posture relaxed some. Sam looked at him, and he tilted his head to the side curiously. A sound in another room startled Gabriel, and he flinched and cowered back against the headboard.

"Calm down," Sam said. His voice was still gentle but carried an edge of command.

Gabriel guessed that whatever it was wouldn't be an immediate danger if Sam seemed ok with it, so he made an effort to calm down.

"It's probably just Cas," Sam said. "I'll go talk to him. Maybe he can heal you."

Sam smiled at Gabriel and turned to leave. He paused in the doorway and turned back. "Please, just- don't do anything stupid. Your Grace is-" He cut off, watching Gabriel's involuntary reaction to the word Grace. Gabriel had flinched, cowered, and tried to hide under his pillow, squeaking "mmm" the whole time.

"Gabriel?" Sam asked, walking over to him.

Gabriel trembled, whimpering in terror. He just couldn't handle any reference to his Grace.

"Are you scared Asmodeus is going to take more of it?" Sam asked gently. "Ketch told me what he was doing. But he can't get to you here. No-one's going to take any more of your Grace, I swear."

Gabriel looked up at Sam, wide-eyed with disbelief and a half-hearted hope. Sam looked earnest, but Gabriel was still scared it was a trick. Payback, for the tricks Gabriel had forced Sam through in the past. Gabriel had always been to good at letting himself be fooled into trusting people. But Sam seemed so kind, concerned, and honest. It was hard not to believe him.

Gabriel shivered and turned his face away.

"OK," Sam said sadly. "You don't have to believe me. I'll just- go find Cas." He left.

Gabriel was struggling to remember who Cas was. The name sounded vaguely familiar, but he wasn't placing it at all. He gave up.

He tried to stay calm, but the idea of facing two people, one of them completely unknown, was enough to make him panic. He was hyperventilating when two sets of footsteps sounded in the hall. Gabriel scrambled off the bed and hid under it. It was the dumbest hiding place ever, but he couldn't stay so exposed.

The door opened, and Gabriel could sense that an angel and a human walked in. He guessed that the human was Sam, which would make Cas the angel. Sam spoke first.

"He was right there a moment ago," Sam said. He sounded surprised and worried.

"He is an archangel," Cas replied.

Castiel, Gabriel remembered. A rebellious, emotional young angel who never seemed to be able to follow orders. God had been very proud of Castiel though, so Gabriel guessed there was a special purpose for Castiel to behave so oddly.

"The walls and ceiling seem intact," Sam said.

There was silence for a moment before Castiel said, "He's hiding under the bed."

Oh, no! Gabriel was busted. He hadn't expected the hiding place to last for any length of time, but sometimes he wished he wasn't right.

Sam knelt beside the bed so that he could see under it. "Gabriel, can you come out of there?" Sam asked. "It doesn't look comfortable."

Gabriel shook his head. If Sam wasn't going to drag him out, then he would just stay under the bed for as long as possible.

"We're not going to hurt you," Sam said.

Gabriel remained unconvinced.

Sam gave up. "I can't get him out of there," he told Cas.

"Gabriel is stubborn, and with his mind in its current condition he will not listen to reason," Castiel said. "You may have to physically remove him."

"He's an archangel. That's probably impossible."

"I doubt he would give much resistance," Castiel said.

"No," Sam said. "I'm not gonna force him to do anything."

They were quiet for a minute before Sam spoke. "I wonder if I could bribe him…" They left.

Gabriel's first thought was that bribery would never work on an archangel. Then he added that he might come out for candy. It was unlikely, but possible. He shouldn't be able to starve, but his Grace was depleted enough that he needed to eat. And he hadn't had candy in _so long_.

Sam had Gabriel figured out. He came back with a lollipop. Gabriel was expecting Sam to make him come out before he'd give it to him, but Sam surprised him. He just handed it to Gabriel, no strings attached. Gabriel shakily unwrapped the candy and shoved it into his mouth. His lips burned, but he hardly noticed.

Gabriel did think that there was a chance the lollipop was drugged, but he didn't care enough to not eat it. Most drugs wouldn't work on an archangel, and if Sam wanted to drug him he could just force feed him anything. The lollipop didn't taste like it had been drugged. The flavor was sweeter than Gabriel remembered. He guessed his memory had failed on this, too, over the past months of torment.

Was it months? It had felt like forever, but since Gabriel didn't remember as far back as the start of his captivity he couldn't be sure. He struggled desperately with the broken pieces of his mind, trying to force the memories out into the open. He nearly cried with frustration when it didn't work. He just wanted to remember who he was. Was that really too much to ask?

"Um, are you ok?" Sam asked.

Gabriel realized that he was scowling at the floor and shaking uncontrollably. That had to look weird. He blinked back tears and looked up at Sam. He didn't have an answer to give, not really, so he just looked at Sam for a moment before ducking his head.

"Right, stupid question," Sam muttered.

Gabriel tilted his head to the side.

"Should I bring more candy?" Sam asked.

Gabriel nodded enthusiastically. He still didn't trust Sam, but he wasn't going to turn down free candy. And Sam did seem nice. Maybe he was trust worthy. Maybe.

Sam left, presumably to get more candy. Gabriel was left twiddling his thumbs in the dark, and he started questioning his decision to hide there in the first place. He was seriously considering coming out when Sam came back. Sam brought two kinds of candy this time.

"KitKats, or lemon drops?" he asked.

Gabriel had a hard time processing the idea that he could pick between two options. He'd gotten used to never having a choice in anything. He motioned timidly to the KitKats after a moment. Sam handed him the KitKats and watched him fumble with the wrapper. At least Sam seemed to realize that Gabriel didn't want help. It was good for him to do something for himself, even if it wasn't much.

Gabriel finally managed to unwrap the candy and quickly ate it. When he finished he looked at Sam worriedly and ducked his head.

"Can you come out now?" Sam asked gently.

It wasn't a demand, or even a request. It was just a question, and Gabriel could answer how he wanted. He shook his head, looking away. Then he was scared, worrying that it hadn't been a question and Sam was going to be mad.

"Come out when you're ready, alright?" Sam said gently.

Gabriel nodded weakly.

"I'll let you rest," Sam said. "Do you want a pillow?"

A _pillow_? Sam had to be joking, right? Nobody was actually that nice, not to Gabriel, at least. He nodded hesitantly. Was Sam serious?

Sam was serious. He gave Gabriel a pillow, several blankets, and a bowl of candy. Gabriel made a little nest under the bed, ate most of the candy, and fell asleep. He felt safe, for the first time he could remember. Now that he was free, his Grace started growing back. He wasn't at full power when he woke up a few hours later, but he had enough Grace to not feel like a whipped puppy.

Gabriel used a little Grace to repair his vessel's injuries and change his clothes. He'd hated that scruffy tunic thing. It was not a fashion statement he ever wanted to make. Bits of his memory had returned, and he realized he was at the Men of Letters bunker. He also knew that the Men of Letters had disbanded, so he wasn't sure who had control of the bunker. The Winchesters, he supposed, whoever they were. He could feel the missing memories in his head, and it was agony to not be able to see them. He _should_ remember. But the memories were just gone.

Gabriel started thinking through the defenses he knew the bunker had. It might be able to keep out an ordinary prince of Hell, but Asmodeus was hopped up on archangel Grace. He would bust through the defenses easily. And Gabriel couldn't let that happen. He wouldn't go back to Asmodeus, not when he finally had a bit of hope. And he couldn't let Asmodeus hurt Sam either. He had to find a way to stop that from happening.

So Gabriel climbed out from under the bed and crawled over to the desk. He pulled open the drawer and sorted through the papers until he found an empty notepad. He ripped out a page and hunted for a pencil. He couldn't tell Sam that Asmodeus was coming, but he could warn him in a note.

Gabriel found that he couldn't remember how to write. OK, so no English. Maybe some other language would be easier. Enochian was easy enough to write in, and Gabriel knew Castiel would understand it. He wrote a note for Cas, explaining that Asmodeus was coming and that he would be able to break through the wardings.

Hopefully Castiel and Sam would be able to handle the situation. Exhausted from the effort of writing one short note, Gabriel lay back on the bed. He ate a few pieces of candy from the bowl and fell back asleep. Maybe it would be enough. It had to be, because if it wasn't…

 **A/N If people like this I'll write more, so please review if you'd be interested to read more.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Last night's episode was great! If you didn't see it, you have to, cause Gabriel (as usual) was totally awesome. Richard Speight Jr. just can't not be brilliant!**

Sam was there when Gabriel woke up. Gabriel initially expected himself to be afraid of Sam, but strangely he wasn't. Did he _trust_ Sam? No way, that was ridiculous. He couldn't trust anyone, not since Asmodeus broke him. So it was impossible for him to trust Sam, but maybe he liked Sam.

Sam was nice, he obviously cared about Gabriel, and he hadn't ever done anything mean. So, yeah, Gabriel liked him. He was glad that Sam was here.

Sam looked up from his book and noticed that Gabriel was awake. His happy smile was immediate, and Gabriel could tell that he wasn't faking. It had been a long time since someone had smiled, just because they were honestly happy that Gabriel was there.

The last time someone had smiled at him like that had been back before the Fall, when everyone was innocent. Then Lucifer had fallen, Michael had broken into a shell of his former self, and Raphael had become so stiff Gabriel almost believed him when he claimed to have lost all emotions. Heaven had turned into a prison, and Gabriel had had to leave everyone he loved behind.

Part of Gabriel wondered if he could go back- but no! He couldn't think like that. He had left. He couldn't let himself get pulled into someone else's battles again. He couldn't have anyone asking him to kill his family.

Gabriel had to find a way to get back into his witness protection program. He needed to escape, so he could bury himself in the world and human life. He didn't want to have to think about the angels. He just wanted to hide. Why couldn't anyone just leave him alone?

But he wasn't strong enough to try to leave, so he had to stay with Sam. Hopefully nothing would go wrong. Asmodeus wouldn't attack, Sam and Castiel would just let him leave when he was strong enough, Dean wouldn't show up and be mad about TV-land. Surely that wasn't too much to ask.

Apparently, it was. Sam's phone rang, and he picked up the call. It was Asmodeus. Gabriel's newly regained memories and strength vanished the moment he heard Asmodeus' voice. His whole body just shut down. After that everything was blurred. Sam was trying to talk to him, and then Castiel fed him some Grace from the vial Asmodeus had taken.

It wasn't enough. Asmodeus was coming, and there was nothing Gabriel could do. So he didn't do anything. He let his head droop, and he didn't leave up any resistance. Someone grabbed his upper arms and tried to get him to walk. He stumbled along half-heartedly, making whoever it was practically drag him.

The person punched Gabriel in the stomach. "Walk!" he yelled.

Gabriel noted vaguely that it was a demon. A demon bringing him to Asmodeus. _Oh, well, that's too bad,_ he thought. It seemed too distant to worry about.

The next thing Gabriel knew, Asmodeus was looking down at him. This was bad. Gabriel decided to continue his passive aggressive resistance. He wasn't going to react.

"Look at me, boy," Asmodeus drawled.

Something deep inside Gabriel was laughing at how petty and ridiculous Asmodeus sounded. In the next layer up, he was paralyzed by horrible fear. He didn't know how much more of that imprisonment he could take. He had spent years wishing and praying for death, and he didn't want to go back. Outwardly, Gabriel gave no sign that he'd even heard Asmodeus' words.

Asmodeus didn't like being ignored. "You obey your master," he ordered.

Gabriel was an archangel. He might be broken, but no demon would ever be his master. Forget it. Under normal circumstances, Gabriel would've laughed and told Asmodeus to shove it. Now, he just pretended he hadn't heard what Asmodeus had said. If it was beneath his notice, it couldn't effect him, right?

Asmodeus slapped Gabriel across the face. Gabriel ignored him. He punched Gabriel in the jaw. Gabriel vaguely registered the pain, but it wasn't enough to pull him out of the shell he'd put up. Asmodeus was hitting him, and hitting him, and he didn't do anything about it. He was bruising, and bleeding, and barely conscious, but he couldn't make anything matter enough to be worth paying attention to. He just couldn't seem to care anymore. Sam was screaming something, but he didn't process it enough for it to make sense. It was just Sam yelling, so it didn't matter. Maybe Asmodeus would kill him, and he'd be able to finally rest in the empty. He hoped so.

The pain increased, and the abuse was starting to be too much for Gabriel to handle. Soon, he was going to lash out, and if he lashed out, he would have to admit to himself what was happening. He needed to hide someplace deep in his mind. There must be somewhere safe.

 _"_ _Gabriel,"_ a voice echoed from a long ago, safe memory. _"Spread your wings. C'mon, you need to learn this."_

 _"_ _I don't think I want to," the Gabriel in the memory said nervously._

 _"_ _What's the worst thing that could happen?" Michael asked._

 _"_ _My wings might look funny," Gabriel argued._

 _"_ _They won't," Michael said. "Dad knows what he's doing. And it's not like he didn't have a chance to practice before you came along. Your wings are the tenth through twelfth pairs."_

 _"_ _But Michael, that just makes it worse," Gabriel said. "Your wings are really pretty, so if mine look bad it'll be even worse."_

 _"_ _Michael's wings are boring," Lucifer complained. "Now mine are pretty." He puffed up his sunset tinged feathers._

 _Gabriel couldn't help but giggle._

 _"_ _Just don't turn into a ridiculous show-off like Luci, and you'll be fine," Michael told Gabriel._

 _"_ _Hey, I'm right here!" Lucifer whined._

 _"_ _Oh, I hadn't realized that!" Michael exclaimed. He kept the tone of his sarcasm light. "It's not like you've been standing there for the past hour. I am so sorry."_

 _Lucifer rolled his eyes. "Oh, grow up."_

 _"_ _Yeah, you too," Michael said cheerfully._

 _Gabriel laughed again, unconsciously spreading his wings. Michael stopped teasing Lucifer to study little Gabriel's wings. They were mottled gold and white, and the effect was stunning. Nobody would ever say Gabriel's wings looked funny._

 _"_ _I bet you're going to be really fast," Lucifer told Gabriel._

In the real world, Gabriel spread his wings. He only made one pair visible, and only in relief. Still, everyone saw the shadow his wings cast on the wall.

Asmodeus took a step back. "You- you're not strong enough to do any real damage, boy." He didn't sound sure.

Gabriel's eyes glowed blue, a little bit of his true appearance bleeding through his vessel.

Asmodeus' eyes took on the garbled yellow of a prince of Hell in involuntary response. He threw a chunk of Gabriel's own Grace at him in a weak attempt at an attack. Gabriel could've deflected it, but he decided to absorb it. Asmodeus had just gifted him with a piece of Grace. It would be a shame not to use it.

So Gabriel used the extra power to burn Asmodeus to a crisp. His tortured screams were satisfying in a horrible way as he went up in flames and vanished.

Then Gabriel ducked his head. His wings vanished, and his eyes went back to the soft, human golden-hazel. The blood and scratches were gone, but other than that nobody would've guessed he'd just killed a demon. He kept his head down and stood there, waiting.

Gabriel heard footsteps. Two sets of footsteps.

"Gabriel, that was amazing," Sam said. "You saved our lives. Thank you."

Gabriel couldn't react. He couldn't seem to remember how.

"Brother, are you alright?" Castiel asked.

Gabriel tried to lift his head. He wanted to talk to Castiel. He remembered sending an illusion of himself out of his dungeon. He'd found Castiel, and been able to talk to him a little. But he hadn't explained anything properly. He wanted another chance to try to connect with his little brother.

But Gabriel couldn't move. He couldn't even open his lips. He was able to make a humming noise, but it didn't communicate anything.

"Gabriel, please, don't fall back inside your mind," Sam pleaded. "We need you to be you. Please."

Gabriel tried. He really did. But the trauma was too much, and he couldn't find a way to break through. He was trapped inside the emptiness of his mind. It was like a wall was separating him from Sam and Castiel.

"Sam, he's not going to answer," Castiel said.

"Gabriel, please," Sam begged, ignoring Castiel. "I need you. You have to respond."

Gabriel scrambled, wherever he was, to try to find a way to move, to contact Sam. _I'm listening!_ he screamed inaudibly. _I really am!_ But he couldn't find any way to tell Sam.

So he struggled desperately to remember how to move, how to speak. He managed to make a squeaky humming noise, but nothing more. _I'm sorry,_ he thought, wishing Sam could read minds.

Sam gave up. "Come on," he said gently. "I'll take you back to your room." He sounded so discouraged; it was depressing for Gabriel.

Luckily, Gabriel's legs seemed to work fine. He was able to walk with Sam back to the room with the black symbols all over the walls. He sat down at the edge of the bed and stared at the wall. Sam hovered for a minute, and he might've said something, but eventually he left.

Time passed. For a while Gabriel fought an intense battle inside his head, trying to break through and be himself again. But eventually he just gave up. There was no way to break through, and he was so tired of trying and failing. So he just waited, a prisoner inside his own mind.

 _This is so stupid!_ he wailed, still completely inaudible. _I'm an archangel! I should be able to at least talk._

Gabriel snapped the lights off, and flopped over sideways on the bed. He was hoping to fall asleep; oblivion sounded great about now. But he couldn't sleep. He just lay there in the dark, completely awake and aware. It was awful.

Bored out of his mind and miserable, Gabriel was out of ideas and hope. And now he was lowered to trying to count sheep. That was supposed to help, right? One sheep. Two sheep. Gabriel gave up at 7,862 sheep. It obviously wasn't working.

But then, as soon as he gave up, he fell right asleep. Go figure. For a while he was blissfully unconscious and unaware. His mind filtered through in his sleep, and when he woke up several hours later, he was in control.

"Pornstars," he blurted, still coming out of an interesting dream. "They were pornstars."

Sam Winchester was there, looking at Gabriel like he'd sprouted an extra head. "Pornstars?"

"Ahh." Gabriel rubbed a hand along his eyes. "Sam. You're Lucifer's vessel, right? How did I remember that?"

"Technically, yes," Sam said. "It's not something I ever want to do again."

"Yeah, being Luci's vessel would be- awful," Gabriel said. "He's a dick-bag lately."

"So, you really don't remember that," Sam said. He looked worried.

"I remember bits and pieces," Gabriel said, nodding. "Just not- the whole picture. Did I steal your computer?"

Sam laughed. "Yeah, you did! I'd forgotten. That was eleven years ago, now."

"I don't remember what happened after that," Gabriel said, troubled.

"You messed with Dean's car," Sam said. "He blamed me, and I blamed him for stealing my computer."

"I was trying to turn you against each other," Gabriel realized. "It must not have worked."

"Actually, it did," Sam replied. "You would've totally won that one, but another friend, Bobby- we had to call him for help against you. And you faked your death and got away, so you won anyway."

"We're not enemies anymore, right?" Gabriel asked nervously.

"No," Sam said. "We haven't been enemies for a long time, Gabriel. And even back then, enemies was too strong a term."

Gabriel's brow furrowed. "OK," he said.

He would trust Sam, for a while at least. Sam's story could make sense, and he wanted it to be true so badly that believing was worth it. It would be such a relief to relax, to believe that someone was his friend and would protect him. He just hoped it wouldn't come back to bite him later. Giving someone a measure of trust seemed to do that a lot.

 **Please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**This is the last chapter. It's Supernatural, so I didn't think I could let Gabriel just recover peacefully any longer. I'm sure he'll be as alright as any other character on the show from here on. I'd like to thank everyone who read this story, especially the people who reviewed, followed, or favorited. It means a lot to me.**

Gabriel's memories came back in bits and pieces over the next couple hours. It was hard, getting all that information back. His head felt like it was trapped in holy fire, and it was hard to keep from screaming. Sam came in at some point, but Gabriel couldn't respond to him and he left. Time passed in a blur. The walls were shaking.

And then, once all the memories were safely back in his head, Gabriel had to deal with the emotional fallout. He had to try and deal with Lucifer's Fall, God's departure from Heaven, running away from Heaven himself, not being able to find God even after he searched for hundreds of years, the death of his favorite human girlfriend(she was Spartan and _so_ hot), Lucifer escaping the Cage, Michael and Lucifer planning to kill each other, Lucifer trying to kill him, Loki betraying him, and Asmodeus torturing him for seven years. All the pain he'd seen over millennia came crashing down on him in a few hours, and he collapsed under the weight of it.

Gabriel dropped into a coma. And then he woke up. He was alone in the room. He sighed and sat up, looking around himself. He wasn't sure what to do. His Grace was mostly charged; his body was fine. He ought to be able to get up and function, but he couldn't. His mind was broken. He didn't even know if the damage was repairable.

Gabriel wanted to stand up and walk over to the door. His legs were fully functional, and there were no obstacles. But he couldn't get out of bed and go over there. He peered over the side, and somehow the space between the bed and the floor filled him with terror. He forced himself to reach down with one hand. Before he even got to the floor, he yanked back in terror.

Gabriel didn't know what had set him off. He just knew that he was curled into a ball under the covers, shaking and hyperventilating. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't see. He was trapped back in Asmodeus' prison, and at any moment Asmodeus would come to suck his Grace and beat him.

Twenty minutes later, Gabriel was still cowering under the blankets. He hadn't recovered at all. The sound of the door opening was the darkest sound he'd ever heard. The accompanying footsteps, though- that wasn't Asmodeus. It wasn't any of the guards Gabriel knew.

In fact, now that he thought about it, Gabriel could ID those footfalls easily. It was Dean Winchester. Oh, no. Dean was scary enough on his own, without the flashbacks to Asmodeus. Dean was, oddly enough, one of the most powerful players active on the field. He always seemed to win.

And Gabriel had played pranks on Dean repeatedly in the past. Sam had forgiven him, but Sam was naturally forgiving. Dean wasn't. It was Sam that Gabriel had focused more of his attention on back then, but Dean had been more interested in seeing Gabriel dead. This wasn't good.

"Hey," Dean said. "Sit up; we're talking."

Gabriel played dead. Maybe if Dean thought he was asleep or something, he'd go away.

No such luck.

"I know you're awake," Dean said. "And you can talk. So stop cowering and have this conversation already."

The thing was Gabriel _couldn't_ talk. He couldn't believe himself that he was free, even though he knew it was true. So he couldn't open his lips. They might as well have been sewn shut again. There was a little bit he could do though. He pulled the blanket off his head and sat up shakily. He stared up at Dean, fear clear in his eyes.

"How'd Asmodeus capture you?" Dean demanded.

 _One of my only friends betrayed me and sold me to him,_ Gabriel thought. Unfortunately, Dean was incapable of reading minds. He just saw Gabriel looking miserable and not even trying to move his mouth.

"At least try," Dean said, a little more gently.

Huh. Maybe Dean wasn't quite as mad at him as he'd expected. But he wasn't as gentle as Sam, and Gabriel couldn't bring himself to even try to move his lips. He sniffled a little and shook his head. Luckily, Dean looked frustrated instead of angry.

"Fine," he said. He turned towards the door. "Sam!" he called. "Get over here and make your angel talk!"

That sounded hopeful. Sam was nice, and he could make sure Dean didn't get mad. Gabriel found himself sitting up a little straighter, waiting to hear Sam's footsteps in the hall. It took a few minutes, but Sam eventually made an appearance.

When he came in, the reason for the delay was obvious. He was trying to balance the three books he was reading while he walked. He looked really silly, obviously trying to translate some complex passage while he answered Dean's yell.

"Oh, hey, Gabriel," Sam said vaguely, not looking up from the books.

Gabriel giggled a little. Sam just looked so funny, holding three thick, open books and trying to read them through his fluffy hair. He was unable to push it out of his eyes with his hands so thoroughly occupied.

"Oh, now you can talk?" Dean asked Gabriel.

Gabriel ducked his head. "Mmm."

"Dean, stop it. You're scaring him," Sam said, setting his research project on the desk. "Hey, Gabriel, it's ok," he said, slowly approaching the bed with his hands raised in the human gesture for surrender. "We won't hurt you. Calm down."

Gabriel hadn't realized he was hyperventilating. He tried to slow his breathing. He fearfully lifted his head and focused on Sam's soft hazel eyes, which seemed to help. He let Sam stand right next to the bed, and only shivered when Sam's hand came to rest on his shoulder, not pulling away. Sam looked relieved.

Gabriel's breathing slowly settled down as Sam soothed him, but his eyes pricked with tears. He wasn't sure why. Maybe it was because Sam was so kind, and he hadn't been treated like that in ages. Maybe it was just because he was tried and stressed and felt horribly helpless. The helplessness hurt worse, now that he could remember what he used to be. To be brought from being one of the most powerful creatures in the world, to this! Unable to speak. Incapable of climbing out of bed, because he was somehow afraid of the floor? It was ridiculous, and he hated it. He just wanted to go back to how he'd been before Asmodeus. Before the torture, before the pain. Before he became a mere shadow of his former self.

But time didn't run backwards. All Gabriel could do was try to work his way forwards and hope he got somewhere. Maybe Sam could help with that.

Gabriel contorted his face muscles, trying to make the words come out. But he was too scared. He couldn't part his lips, because he couldn't fully believe he'd escaped Asmodeus. He knew it was true, but that didn't mean he believed it.

Sam sat down next to Gabriel and tucked his arm around Gabriel's shoulders. He slowly reached up with his free hand and wiped away the tears Gabriel hadn't realized had fallen. Gabriel trustingly leaned back against Sam. He looked up at him, managing a fragile but happy smile. Sam's answering smile lit up the room.

"Can you talk today?" Sam asked.

Gabriel ducked his head, ashamed. He wanted to be able to talk, but he couldn't. And Sam had phrased it as a question, but what if he didn't really mean it like that? What if he got mad when Gabriel couldn't say anything?

"It's ok, Gabe," Sam assured him gently. "I won't be mad if you can't talk. I've been tortured before; I get it." His voice changed, and his focus was no longer on Gabriel. "And Dean does too, so he's going to be very patient and gentle and not get mad if you can't explain what happened. And he certainly won't ask for more of your Grace to open another portal, right Dean?"

It was obvious they'd discussed this earlier. Dean mumbled something about how annoying bossy little brothers were before agreeing unhappily. Gabriel wondered if he'd been afraid of the wrong brother. Sam's soft hazel eyes were surely one of the most powerful weapons on the planet. Resisting those eyes- well, Gabriel had never released anyone from a prank early until Sam turned those eyes on him at the Mystery Spot. The kid was dangerous.

"Will you at least get him to explain how a demon like Asmodeus got his hands on an archangel?" Dean grouched.

"Gabriel, would you like to tell me how you got caught?" Sam asked gently.

Gabriel thought about that. If he could talk, he'd be willing to tell them, and he wouldn't mind writing it down. He just couldn't say anything. He nodded tentatively.

"Do you want to try saying it, or is it easier to write it down?"

Gabriel ducked his head uncertainly. Earlier he hadn't been able to write in English, and he didn't think Dean would appreciate Enochian squiggles. Maybe now the language wouldn't matter as much. He did seem to have recovered some. He mimed writing, noting as he did so that his hands were shaking a little. That could make writing hard.

"Fetch a notebook," Sam ordered his brother.

Dean looked mildly annoyed at being ordered around, but didn't say anything. Sam was too focused on Gabriel to notice anything. Gabriel was a little worried. He didn't want to be a source of contention for the brothers. But then, Sam and Dean were always fighting. Some contention was normal, and their relationship could weather anything. They'd be fine.

Dean tossed a notebook and pencil into Gabriel's lap. Gabriel couldn't help but flinch. He wasn't used to objects being throw in his direction and not hurting him. He shivered and ducked closer to Sam.

"Hey, it's ok," Sam soothed. "You're ok, Gabriel. I won't let anyone hurt you."

Gabriel believed him. It was easier to believe someone, now that he had his memories back. He didn't feel like everyone could suddenly betray him out of nowhere. And he _knew_ Sam was trustworthy. Not because he could remember it, not really. Because he could feel it. And he knew that if Sam was there with him, he'd be ok. It might be half impossible to get anywhere for ages, but he'd be able to keep living.

Gabriel picked up the pencil with his still shaking fingers and started writing. And then he set it down. He turned around to face Sam. Gabriel's lips trembled a little.

 _I am free,_ he told himself sternly. _Sam cut the twine loose_ days _ago. I can speak._

Gabriel swallowed. He opened his mouth. "Thank you," he said, and suddenly talking seemed much easier. "Ketch might've rescued me, Sam, but you set me free." And then Gabriel ducked his head shyly and hid his face in Sam's shoulder.

Sam's hand came up to play with Gabriel's silky gold hair.

"I'm so glad you're feeling better," Sam said softly. His eyes teared a little from happiness. "And I'm- honored- I could help."


End file.
